5835

Joke of the Day

"Why would Donald Trump want to lose the election? Winning means he'd need to live in a smaller house in a black neighborhood"

"Give a man a fish... ...and feed him for a day. Give a man to a fish, and feed it for like months."

"Love is grand Divorce is a HUNDRED grand..."

"Why were the breakfast potatoes running around hitting each other? HashTag!"

"""Daddy, I want to watch Dora."" Sweetie this is Dora. It's the one where she plays an NBA basketball game against the Brooklyn Nets"

"What's Hitlers favorite video game? Space Invaders"

"In New York, people are paying up to $100 for a ""cronut,"" which is croissant/donut. We call these people ""midiots,"" which is a moron/idiot."

"The beauty of vodka is that it looks like water. The beauty of the workplace is that water bottles are allowed."

"*stops next to punks at red light* *stares them down, turns up The Walking Dead opening music* *light turns green, slowly accelerates*"

"You can't spell ""secret government conspiracies"" without that 27th letter of the alphabet that they're hiding from us"