58345

Joke of the Day

"""Your resume says you spent 4 years in England. What were you doing?"" *flashback to me trying to find the actual Hogwarts* ""Grad school."""

"Why can't anyone stay angry long with an actress? Because she always makes up."

"[Pickup Line] Do you hold up the KDE desktop environment? Because you're a QT!"

"Undertaker: ""What do you want your husbands gravestone to say?"" Wife: ""Nothing. I want a traditional, non-talking one."""

"Let's have all your football jokes, I'll start . . . ""What's the most dangerous job in the NFL?"" Sucking the air out of Tom Brady's balls."

"I have an irrational fear of large intricate corporate buildings. You could say I have a complex complex complex."

"I have electrified a clickbait journalist's toilet. Number 2 will shock them."

"Two muffins cooking in a oven One says ""fuck it's hot in here"" the other says ""Holy shit, a talking muffin"""

"I wish I could remember how the hell I ignored people before I owned a cell phone."

"What season is it when you are on a trampoline? Spring time :D I'm not funny (._.)"