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Joke of the Day

"""I am un-punkable!"" - Justin Bieber, 2012. ""Mister Trump, I am a valuable asset to my team and shouldn't be fired."" - Justin Bieber, 2019."

"Say what you will against pedophiles, but at least... they drive slowly in school zones."

"What did Napoleon say about the chopped up body? I wanna Bone a part"

"If I had a dollar for every time I thought about you, I would start thinking about you."

"A lady asked me where my adopted son came from and I said if she doesn't know by now where babies come from it's not my place to tell her"

"""do u have twitter"" ""SORRY I CAN'T HEAR U!! UR BREAKING UP"" *makes fake static noises* ""we're not even on the pho-"" *jumps out of window*"

"What does a witch get if she's a poor traveler? Broom sick."

"A guy walks into a bank with a gun I don't know what happens next I was outside."

"Too soon for a knock knock joke? ""Knock knock"" ""Who's there?"" ""The pilot, let me in!!!"""

"I'd don't know if this qualifies as a super power, but I'm 100% accurate at finding cat vom in the dark with my bare feet."