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Joke of the Day

"[tortoise arguing with his gf] ""FINE IM LEAVING"" FINE [6 minutes later] are you going or not? ""THIS IS AS FAST AS I CAN GO KAREN"""

"I bet phone booths are disappearing because they don't want us escaping the Matrix."

"How do ghosts like their chicken cooked? Terri-fried!"

"If wrestlers have biceps, and bodybuilders have triceps, what do surgeons have? Forceps (I hate my shit life)"

"The darker humor is, the better. Just like slaves."

"How many hippies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Hippies don't screw in lightbulbs...they screw in dirty sleeping bags."

"I like my tea like I like my women.... Plain, dark and bitter!"

"Tried this new Playlist in the car, on the treadmill, at my desk, but it seems the best place for me to listen to old Greenday is 1992."

"A girl once told me she was getting drunk off of my love.... ... I told her that's just the date rape drug kicking in."

"What's brown and sticky A stick"