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Joke of the Day

"[tortoise arguing with his gf] ""FINE IM LEAVING"" FINE [6 minutes later] are you going or not? ""THIS IS AS FAST AS I CAN GO KAREN"""

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"I've dedicated my entire life to getting prostitutes off the streets For an hour or so each day."
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"Want to spice things up? Look them right in the eyes and lick their fingers seductively. My dentist didn't appreciate it, but yours might."
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"What did the green grape say to the purple grape? OMG!!!!!!! BREATHE!! BREEEEEATHE!!!!!"
"A good way to make a car dealer uncomfortable is to say, ""Tell me if you can hear this,"" and then get in the trunk and start screaming."
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"What do you call the rabbit up the elephant's sweater ? Terrified !"