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Joke of the Day

"[tortoise arguing with his gf] ""FINE IM LEAVING"" FINE [6 minutes later] are you going or not? ""THIS IS AS FAST AS I CAN GO KAREN"""

"I've dedicated my entire life to getting prostitutes off the streets For an hour or so each day."

"Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink"

"What does the Rose iphone 7 and the Titanic have in common? They both lost Jack."

"Want to spice things up? Look them right in the eyes and lick their fingers seductively. My dentist didn't appreciate it, but yours might."

"Did you hear that Microsoft is giving away Office to parents? Word to your mother."

"What did the green grape say to the purple grape? OMG!!!!!!! BREATHE!! BREEEEEATHE!!!!!"

"A good way to make a car dealer uncomfortable is to say, ""Tell me if you can hear this,"" and then get in the trunk and start screaming."

"Why can't Mexico beat the US in the Olympics? Because all their runners, jumpers and swimmers are already here."

"What do you call the rabbit up the elephant's sweater ? Terrified !"