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Joke of the Day

"[skydiving with my dog] Me: ur ears r inside out My dog: can't hear u my ears r inside out Me: it's the wind My dog: I think it's the wind"

"It's getting Hot In Herre, so take off all your clothes! Also, drink this water because I don't want you to get dehydrated. -Nervous Nelly"

"The real heroes are the people who live within driving distance of their in-laws."

"What do Abraham Lincoln and Ryan Fitzpatrick have in common? Neither of them can finish a play"

"How does a hacker speak with bread? He uses wheat speak."

"I always thought soy milk... was just introducing itself in Spanish"

"A realistic Applebee's commercial would show a collection of recently divorced dads blankly staring at the bar's televisions."

"What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef."

"Cane sugar is the best! It just can't be beet!"

"Doctor Doctor I feel like a dog! Sit!"