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Joke of the Day

"The quickest way to immigrate to America... Is on a one way ticket to Mexico."

"Hurricanes, famine, disease, war crimes, child molestation, political corruption. And Jesus appears to mankind on a slice of toast."

"I saw a man at a circus put his head in a lion's mouth ...and that's still the only big cat blowjob I've ever witnessed."

"Procedure for being unthanked for door holding: 1. Keep eyes fixed on culprit 2. Say you're welcome 3. Shake head 4. Mutter ""unbelievable"""

"I wonder what kids today are going to tell their kids. Yeah. it was rough back then. I didn't get a smartphone til 4th grade and sometimes the wifi didn't work upstairs.'"

"""I'll be back!"" -boomerangs -and herpes"

"My girlfriend is like a motorcycle I dont have a motorcycle"

"There's this guy at work who loves shoving baguettes up his butt. What a pain in the ass."

"How do you get over a crush you've had since high school? Leave the dungeon door unlocked."

"I saw on the news that when snorted, nutmeg becomes a mild hallucinogen. So I'm going to work today 'megged the fuck outta my mind."