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Joke of the Day

"ALFRED: *wringing out wet birthday party invitation* it's difficult to read, but i'd hazard a guess at aquaman, master wayne"

"What technology are old people better at using than young people? Life support."

"I asked the barista for a Nyquilatte. He was really hairy, like a werewolf. A ""wereista"" if you will. I may have already had some Nyquil."

"CREATION OF MAN God: And as they age, they shall lose all the hair on their heads and grow more in their ears & noses Angel: Yes, my Liege"

"[Doctor's Office] Sir, it appears you have takes-everything-literally disease. ""Is it bad, doc?"" Yes, but bear in mind- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

"What did the dog say when he bit the sandpaper? Nothing. He just grit his teeth."

"""My boyfriend says I look like a dishy Italian!""said Miss Conceited. ''Then he's right said her little brother.''Sophia Loren?'' ""No-spaghetti!''"

"What do a car, a bus, and a family have in common? The car and the bus both have wheels."

"Three Roads To Ruin There are three roads to Ruin - Women, Gambling and Consultants. Women are the nicest, Gambling is the quickest but Consultants are the surest!"

"Perfect pickup line No, baby, those aren't warts, I'm just ribbed for your pleasure."