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Joke of the Day

"According to my doctor it would be best for my health to stay away from trans fats I'm really gonna miss Tumblr."

"How tall are the twin towers? 9"" 11"

"Sleeping in central park Is it going too far to equate my experience sleeping in central park to being a Jewish person in nazi germany..."

"Never commit a crime while working out Lest you get ill gotten gainz."

"[I open my lunchbox to find flask of whisky] But that means.... [Cut to my 4 y/o opening her lunchbox to find a flask of whisky]"

"What do you do if you're attacked by a bunch of Carnies? Go for the Jugular (juggler)!"

"I can't wait to get one of those self-driving cars to watch my wife argue with it."

"I discovered I have a fetish for figuring things out. (X-post /r/puns) I came to the realization."

"Some naughty science shit. 63 earths can fit inside ur-anus."

"What did the leper say to the prostitute? ""Keep the tip"""