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Joke of the Day
"Me: Is there any particular way you don't want your name pronounced? Percy: Not per se"
Next Joke
"I'm really bad at measuring the correct amount of pasta, so if you and 79 of your friends want spaghetti tonight, come over"
"Bernie Sanders If I had a nickel for every time a redditor posted about something Bernie Sanders, I'd be the kind of person he is always smearing. A BILLIONAIRE!"
"Ever heard the one about the shark in the bar Don't worry, its kinda fishy"
"Did You Hear that Iggy Azalea Got Engaged? She's already cancelled her wedding and reception due to lack of RSVPs."
"Monday morning, still sore from my run and all I have at work is acetaminophen, meaning if I take it I can't drink until like 11AM."
"People nowadays take pictures, not for memories, but to post them on Facebook and get comments."
"Where do you see yourself in 5 years? I don't know, I don't have 2020 vision."
"How do people not know how to say their ABC's backwards. It's 3 fucking letters."
"""How about a month of obligations, overspending, difficult travel and horrible weather?"" - The pitch for the month of December."