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Joke of the Day

"Wanna see new features on your TV that you never knew existed? Let a baby play with the remote for about 12 seconds."

"Person is typing... Person is typing... Person is typing... Person is typing... Person is typing... Person is typing... Person says: hi"

"What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Use lubricant."

"""To be perfectly honest, I'm not a huge fan of beats by Dre."" --Dee Barnes [Context for the clueless](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dee_Barnes)."

"Have you heard the original version of Stevie Wonder's hit song? I just called to say.....I found the phone"

"Traffic stop A cop stops a car and asks the man inside, ""Excuse me, sir, have you been drinking?"" The guy replies, ""Why? Is there an ugly chick next to me?"""

"You can't boss me around until you're older than the whiskey I drink. -subtweet to my GF"

"What did one lesbian vampire say to the other? ""See you next month!"""

"Why do Scuba divers fall backwards off the boat, and into the water? Because if they fell forward, they'd fall into the boat."

""" Could you explain to me why I woke up this morning with a cucumber up my ass? "" My wife screamed. "" Could you explain to me,"" I yelled back, "" Why you didn't wake up when I put it there? """