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Joke of the Day

"Why would you download a car when you can download a shark, I'd bet it would be at least one gigabyte."

"I refrain from jogging in the morning because according to Law & Order: SVU there is a 95% chance you'll find a dead body"

"I started a band with my dog. He barks while I eat Cheetos. It's indie, you wouldn't get it."

"I consider myself a practical gentleman. That's why I masturbate in the shower. The cleanup is a breeze. The only trouble is keeping my laptop dry. That's why I bring the umbrella."

"To my future kids: I apologize for the lack of college funds... Blame mom, she INSISTED on organic produce from Whole Foods."

"So when is this old enough to know better' suppose to kick in ?"

"What do you call a run-down and Italian neighborhood? The Sphaghetto"

"Darth Vader watched The Harry Potter movies ""It was pretty wizard i guess"" said Darth Vader"

"What do you call a cop who doesn't shoot innocent black people? 1. Acquitted 2. Fired, retired or expired"

"When I make my first million, Im switching from 2 ply toilet paper to white bread."