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Joke of the Day

"To my future kids: I apologize for the lack of college funds... Blame mom, she INSISTED on organic produce from Whole Foods."

"I Hate When Old People Poke You at a wedding and say ""you are Next"". So next time i was at a funeral I poked them and said ""You are Next""."

"The people in this spin class are looking at me like they've never seen a girl with a helmet before."

"My girlfriend just told me she was moving away to either Cleveland or Tulsa... All I could think to say was, ""OH. OK."""

"There are two kinds of friends: 1. Friends with benefits 2. Friends with potential."

"I want to know the backstory of when an eyelash turns evil and says ""That's it. I'm done protecting the eye. I'm going in to destroy it now"""

"They used to be called ""Jumpolines"" Till your mother had a go."

"What is it called when a thief steals a purse, runs into the street, then gets run over? *Car*ma"

"As a man, it's impossible to walk passed a punching bag and not hit it twice before walking away."

"Why is Empire Strikes Back the best Star Wars movie? It's a perfect 5/7."