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Joke of the Day

"When you grow up it's like, ok now you can go to bed whenever you want & all you have to trade for it is the ability to ever feel joy again"

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"In New York, yelling at someone is demeaning it's de meaning of being a New Yorker!"
"I am eternally grateful that Twitter doesn't have an ""is online now"" indicator"
"What did they gay necrophiliac say about his ex-lover? ""That rotten asshole split on me again!"""
"(My mother's proudest creation) What do you call it when you lobotomize terrorists? Simplifying Radicals. Yes, she's a math teacher."
"What would you get if you crossed a new-born snake with a basketball? A bouncing baby boa."
"[Job Interview] Boss: What is your best trait? Me: Procrastination. B: How is that a positive? M: I'll give you my reasons. Later."
"Q: What's a blonde's favourite wine? A: ""Daaaddy I want to go to Miaaami!"""
"What's Nigel Farage's favourite Christmas song? I'm dreaming of a white Christmas."
"Did you hear about the guy who wanted to put OJ Simpson's knife on display? He was caught trying to frame it"