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Joke of the Day

"I saw two construction workers laughing together today. I know what they were building... Friendship."

"What's the most depressed thing in the bathroom? The toilet. It always takes all the shit."

"It's 100% legal to give cops the finger. But remember, it's also apparently 100% legal for them to shoot and kill you."

"Whats the difference between a Chickpea and a Garbanzo Bean? I've never had a Garbanzo Bean on my face."

"I'm always ready to go back to sleep"

"Why is there only 50 shades of grey? Why not 5,000? What's stopping them?"

"What is the best way for a pet shop to get business? Word of mouse."

"I went by the house I grew up in and asked if I could go in and look around. They said no and slammed the door. My parents can be so rude..."

"me: how much per hour? babysitter: $15 me: okay here's $2.37 million see you in 18 years"

"Pete Rose had a 90 second ovation at the all star game. It brought a tear to his eye.... Because he took the over."