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Joke of the Day

"A friend from New Zealand asked me to put a wedge of lime in his cocktail. He took a sip and said ""Thank you, I couldn't have made it bitter myself!"""

Next Joke
 
"Women want men they can fix; men want girls they can save; I want a sandwich that makes itself."
"One day I'll pretend to be gay. I'll make lots of female friends, gain their trust. Become their confidant, and when they least expected...BAAM!!! I'll fuck their boyfriends"
"Give me your best Chuck Norris joke. ^"
"How do you get certified as an interior decorator? You don't pull out"
"a pastor, a rapist and a pedophile walk into a bar. he orders a drink...."
"How are third party candidates like soccer? They're only really popular in America once every four years."
"Date - ""I really dig intellectuals"" Me - ""oh yeah? well check this out babe"" [counts to 17]"
"""Oh my god!"" responded the mother as she heard the news. ""Will my son be an alkyne forever?"" ""It's even worse,"" the doctor said, ""he's terminal."""
"The girl I have a date with tonight texted and said 'I have no gag reflex ;) ' So I guess that means I'm taking her to a Nicolas Cage movie"