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Joke of the Day

"[at Red Lobster] WAITRESSES: *run toward me* ME: Red Lobster! WAITRESSES: *stop* ME: Green Lobster! WAITRESSES: *run* MANAGER: Okay, SIR..."

"What happened to the man who tried to cross a lioin with a goat ? He had to get a new goat !"

"Deodorant? I've never needed to buy any. People just give it me. Complete strangers sometimes"

"What does Bill Clinton's presidency and Hillary Clinton's future presidency have in common? Weiners got them both in trouble but in the end nobody really cared."

"I'm glad my son will learn about sex from the internet. Remember how awkward it was when your dad showed you how to two-girls-one-cup?"

"He was very careful during bondage sessions. He always used a safe word that contained upper and lower case letters and at least one number."

"I hear the Pink Panther song when I sneak down the hall for a midnight snack.."

"A programmer goes to do groceries. His wife tell him: -- Buy a loaf of bread, and if they have eggs, buy a dozen. He comes back with thirteen loaves of bread. -- But why?, she asks. -- They had eggs."

"My wife's leaving me for refusing to stop referring to our children as my Capri Son and Capri Daughter."

"Today I met one of those people on the bus that gets all pissed off when you put your finger in their mouth when they yawn."