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Joke of the Day

"[at Red Lobster] WAITRESSES: *run toward me* ME: Red Lobster! WAITRESSES: *stop* ME: Green Lobster! WAITRESSES: *run* MANAGER: Okay, SIR..."

"Life is like a bowl of soup You only get blown if you're hot"

"The quietest sound ever recorded is the sound of a Canadian saying ""excuse me"" in a crowd"

"Why did the chicken get into so much trouble? Because of its fowl language."

"Jim: Tim, see if the indicator lights are working... Tim: Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no..."

"How can you tell if a person is a vegetarian? Don't worry. They'll tell you they're a vegetarian."

"What part of the road is always crying? The breakdown lane."

"I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I dont know what hes laced them with but i have been tripping all day."

"Helium walks into a bar... ...and the bartender says to him, ""We don't serve Noble gasses here!"". Helium... doesn't react."

"Kid: ... Me: ... Kid: ... Me: ... Kid: ... Me: ... Kid: I just wanted to see you. [4:07 am]"