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Joke of the Day

"What's the one knot I can tie with my butt? A noose"

"HER: I love sweater weather ME: *holding up an umbrella to protect us from falling sweaters* It's that time of year again already?!"

"How do you know Jesus was Jewish? He lived at home until he was 30. He went into his fathers business. He thought his mother was a virgin, and his mother thought he was god."

"Sometimes i feel like the flat bread option at subway because I'm always available but no one ever wants me to hang out with"

"What do you call a Muslim on a plane? Soon to be detained for flying home to his family in Houston after a business trip."

"Ironically I'm watching an exercise infomercial because I'm too lazy to get the remote."

"Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom? Because the p is silent."

"I have daily sex... ... I mean dyslexia."

"What is it called when there is bread all over the place? An abundance"

"Whats the opposite of under? Der."