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Joke of the Day

"Me: my doctor says if I get annoyed I could die You: so you can't watch that YouTube link? Me: I'm saying it's dangerous to even send them"

"Why did the hipster burn his mouth? He tried to drink tea before it was cool."

"What do all Japanese Airmen wear eye patches? Because they're pirots!"

"How many female country singers does it take to sing a Patsy Cline song? Every fucking one of them."

"There is nothing funny about menstruation jokes... Period."

"I may not be the best looking, wittiest, smartest or even the most successful person. I forget where I was going with this..."

"Willie Nelson's public statement regarding being caught with a bag of marijuana recently: ""It's a good thing I had a bag of marijuana. If it had been a bag of spinach, I'd be dead by now."""

"I was so busy yesterday, my smart phone had 75% battery left at the end of the day."

"Boyf said I look really pretty when I'm concentrating...I realised its cos I'm quiet! Either way it's the last time I let him watch me poo"

"Me: Look. There's a deer. Hunter: Don't spook it. Me: *slowly stuffing a werewolf mask back into my backpack*"