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Joke of the Day

"How many female country singers does it take to sing a Patsy Cline song? Every fucking one of them."

"What's the simplest way to prevent rape? Consent."

"Your first mistake was wearing heels in this dodgeball tournament, Jason. The second was thinking that they went with that dress."

"If a straight man cheats on his wife, the other woman is called his mistress. So if a gay man cheats on his husband, is the other man his mister?"

"[Drive-thru] CRONUS: Yes- I'll have the bucket of popcorn children Intercom: *crackling* Popcorn chicken, sir? CRONUS: omg what did I say"

"If I had a dollar for everyone I work with who's dumber than me, I'd have $11 cause I work for a small company."

"My friend had a testicle removed after finding a lump. He's very serious when it comes to mashed potatoes."

"People joke about Bieber Fever. Don't. Sigourney Weaver Fever killed my father."

"I named my dog Shark to make him sound tough... For some reason, people go into a panic when he runs off on the beach."

"Whenever my husband opens his wardrobe he shouts and curses. I think he's a cross dresser."