55308

Joke of the Day

"The package of this pie is labeled ""Apple,"" yet these are clearly cherries. I'm not sticking my dick in this."

"What's the new Taken prequel going to be called? Taken Befour"

"My favorite part of the song is the beginning when the rapper goes ""Uh oh"" like both he and you are about to embark on an unexpected journey"

"Send me one more game request and I'm showing up at your house hammered, at 4am, naked and demanding a game of Twister..."

"Hell is full of ugly babies, tinkerbell tshirts and fat women debating the tastiness of frozen meals.....oh wait. This is just walmart"

"I sexually identify with the black guy in a horror movie because this won't last long and we all know it"

"Why did Donald Trump win Florida in the Presidential Election? Floridians have seen the positive effect an Orange can have on the economy."

"ME: I worked at a zoo for a while THERAPIST: Great! & what did you take from that? ME: [monkey noises coming from my bag] Uh good memories"

"You look like the grinch with plastic surgery gone wrong!"

"What's the difference between a woman and a bowl of ramen noodles? A bowl of ramen noodles is actually ready in 5 minutes."