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Joke of the Day

"If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen."

"Idea: a Chinese restaurant called You Dim Sum You Lose Some."

"Got run over by a limo this morning Took fucking ages"

"Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet? Because they could spend years at C."

"What do they call helium, neon, argon,krypton on the REALLY COLD planet? Noble rocks"

"I believe meat is murder, vegetables are burglary, bread is mail fraud and dairy is impersonating a police officer."

"I had a fight once. ""You should see the other guy!"" I said. My wife agreed. She's been seeing him for years now, they're a lovely couple."

"What's the difference between Donald Trump and a baby who just got HIV? I didn't rape Donald Trump"

"What can blow your Mind? A Brain Prostitute! (Maybe a repost though I haven't seen it)"

"I have always hated shopping for clothes because my mom would always hit me alot with a coathanger as a child Then i was born"