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Joke of the Day

"Please stop praying for my grandpa u are making him too strong. He broke out of the hospital & cops say their tasers don't work on him :("

"Interviewer: what's your greatest weakness? Me: I'm always very honest. Interviewer: I don't think that's a weakness. Me: I don't give a fuck what you think."

"Lost my watch at a party once Saw a guy stepping on it while sexually harassing a girl. I walked up to the dude, punched him straight in the nose. No one does that to a girl, not on my watch"

"I wonder if they'll ever release Call of Duty Go in the UK They've been playing it in America for years"

"Lesbian Pick Up Line ""Hey girl, you wanna go swimming? We can do the scissor kick."""

"My mate's gambling is getting out of hand. He's just bet his newborn son in our game of poker. I thought, ""I might have to raise him."""

"How did David Copperfield get HIV? From doing Magic."

"In other words, 2 percent of household germs kinda like Lysol spray"

"Women! Can't live with 'em, can't sell 'em or Liam Neeson will find you and kill you."

"You can tell a lot about a woman by the way she organizes body parts in her freezer"