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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb? You can always unscrew a light bulb."

"Im not white im Jewish.."

"Dear Homework. They might be doing you, But They are always thinking about me. Sincerely FACEBOOK"

"The main reason I lost my virginity was to ensure I wouldn't be sacrificed anytime soon."

"They say acid is a gateway drug.. But good luck getting to the fridge when there's a fucking dragon guarding it!"

"My friend's dog died the other day so I surprised her by going out and getting her an identical dog. She was furious, she said ""what am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"""

"- 911, what's your emergency? - My nephew just swallowed a lighter! - What's your address? - Never mind, I found some matches."

"Who is Jay Gatsby's favorite superhero? Green Lantern. And his least favorite? Deadpool."

"Jesus: Listen guys, why has someone written 'nail appointment' in my diary? Judas: No idea, J. No idea."

"So I was watching gay porn yesterday... And I saw my doppelwanger."