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Joke of the Day

"How do you tell a friend their breath stinks without being rude? ""I'm bored, let's brush our teeth!"""

"hey i just met you and this is crazy but i'm your mom now you small weak baby"

"What is the longest word? Smiles... It has a mile between the two 'S's"

"Did you hear how the scarecrow got his promotion?"

"You know, it occurs to me that my ceiling fan is inherently indecisive... Any time I ask it a question, it only ever responds with ""HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM"""

"A Chinese acrobat/protester somersaulted over the police line in Hong Kong and was pepper sprayed. The crowd declared, ""That was a-mace-ing!"""

"If Chris Redfield worked pest control... It would be called Resident Weavile."

"You ever pump your gas slowly on purpose so no one realizes you only had $3 on you"

"What do you call a white guy with 2 black guys in the back of the car? The police. What do you call a black guy with 2 white guys in the back of the car? Uber!"

"A lesbian couple asked me if I would like to make them parents. I never thought adoption could be so exciting."