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Joke of the Day

"Won a time machine on Ebay. Disappointed when I received a clock."

"Mars: ""hello."" Me: ""Is your water running."" Mars: ""yes."" Me: ""WELL YOU BETTER GO CATCH IT!"""

"A farmer wins $30 million in a lottery A reporter asks him if he's going to retire and he says ""No, I'm just going to keep farming until it's all gone."""

"Why couldn't the life guard save the drowning hippie? Because he was too far out man."

"So I proposed to my girlfriend at a funeral today. She wasn't happy. Apparently I killed the mood."

"What's the hardest Olympic sport to master? Hurdling. There are a lot of obstacles on the way, and it's hard to get a leg up on the competition."

"how do you know if an asian man robbed your house your homeworks done, your computers upgraded, and 3 hours later hes still trying to back out the driveway."

"Why is sex like signing-on? Both involve a log-in."

"dave is coming over ""normal dave or dave whos alwayes doing impressions of evrybody we know"" [from outside] hi guyes, its normal dave ""noooo"

"My neighbor asked me to keep an eye on his house while he's out of town. I've already texted him ""Your house isn't on fire"" 42 times."