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Joke of the Day

"shows up late for first day of new job *blames it on rush hour* shows up late for second day of new job *blames it on rush hour 2*"

"What does artificial light consist of? Fauxtons"

"Why do Farts Smell so Bad? So the deaf can enjoy them too."

"When Bruce decides to do stand-up, what will his stage-name be? Penny Bruce"

"How did Jesus get so ripped? 39 lashes."

"Man crushed by giant baseball. Witnesses say object came right out of left field."

"A man with a wooden leg marries a woman with a wooden eye on their honeymoon she asks him if he wants to fool around. He replies, would I! she spits out peg leg"

"What did the frog say to his girlfriend while she was giving him a handjob? Rubbit, Rubbit!"

"What is the cuddliest particle known to science? The HUGS boson!"

"I don't want to spoil my autobiography for you. But at the end, you find out that you've just wasted 4.99."