54639

Joke of the Day

"Why does someone who runs marathons make a good student? Because education pays off in the long run!"

"Can't wait to get old so I can shower sitting down."

"Friends are like potatoes. When you eat them, they die."

"[ad for umbrellas] [cut to me trying to swat away raindrops, just getting totally wet] ""There must be a better way!"" Voiceover: UMBRELLAS"

"[high seas] FIRST MATE: I can't wait to see my wife again PIRATE: Land Ho! FIRST MATE: Now look, that's a little rude"

"Q1: What vehicle does T-Rex use to go from planet to planet? A: A Dinosaucer"

"By the way it was me who set those sheep free to roam around the courtroom during your divorce hearing. In case ewe were wandering."

"I hate adjectives Because they're terrible! \_()_/ "

"What phrase do prostitutes and mafia members both say? You lookin to get whacked?"

"A grasshopper walks into an ice cream parlor The clerk says ""Hey Grasshopper, we have an ice cream flavor named after you!"" The Grasshopper says ""What? You have a flavor named Kenneth?"""