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Joke of the Day

"There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away."

"Why didn't the LoL champ care when she crashed her car? Because it was Elise"

"I'm participating in a 0.25K run to raise awareness for people with attention deficit disorder."

"[slashing food truck tires] friend: wtf are you doing?! [running away with arms filled with tacos] YOU COMIN OR NOT?!"

"My 8yo son spent 45 minutes perusing and closely inspecting the 31 flavors to finally decide on ""chocolate."""

"Q: Why did the bird get a ticket? A: It broke the law of gravity!"

"Spent all day doing one of my favorite things ever - not dying. Score."

"Why aren't lions cannibals? They can't swallow their pride."

"What's better than eating a mandarin? Eating Amanda out!"

"I once heard a story of a man who played Destiny, trying to get the greatest boots of all time, named The Dubstep Grieves. He died waiting for the drop."