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Joke of the Day

"How do you think the whole Deflategate situation feels to Tom Brady now? Probably doesn't feel how he prefers it to..."

"My neighbors are arguing. So I threw 6 shoes in the dryer. They haven't said a word since."

"A time traveler walks into a bar The bartender says, ""Sorry, we don't serve time travelers here."" A time traveler walks into a bar"

"Just called my own voicemail and left messages until the memory was full. People can't leave messages now. That's the kind of genius I am."

"It only rains twice a year in Seattle: August through April and May through July."

"Wore an orange suit for the first time today... I stand by my convictions."

"I love watching the wife sleep. Not so much the husband."

"How do you make a gay guy fuck a woman? Shit in her cunt."

"Why was the feminist picnic so bad Nobody made sandwiches"

"Some Mexican guy just tackled me & put silver/grey tape all over my belly then ran away... I was ab-duct-taped by an alien. (I'm so sorry)"