145505

Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the red luxury cruise liner that collided with the blue luxury cruise liner? The passengers and crew were marooned."

"Chuck Norris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage"

"The scariest thing about the Cold War was the threat of getting stuck inside a bunker with your spouse."

"Asked to switch seats. I wanted to switch seats on the plane last week because of a crying baby. The stewardess said no... just because it was my baby"

"There are two kinds of people in the world: Those who divide everybody into two kinds of people, and those who don't."

"Whoa. Wait a minute. So those stick figures on your car aren't for pedestrians you ran over? Damn it! *starts scraping off her stickers*"

"20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no Cash, no Hope and no Jobs. Please dont let Kevin Bacon die!"

"Your honor, the victim was stabbed 18 times. (Capri Sun Court)"

"What did the man in a rush say to his bowel movement? ""I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR YOUR SHIT."""

"If I had a dollar for every girl that didn't find me attractive... They'd eventually find me attractive.."