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Joke of the Day

"A soldier survived mustard gas in battle, and then peppery spray by the police... he is now a seasoned veteran"

"How are Joeffrey Baratheon and wheat related? They're both in-bread."

"Waiter, I am outraged. There is one hair in my soup. And what do you expect for this price? A whole wig?!"

"I'm not saying the police are over zealous but I was arrested yesterday for singing ""come on baby light my fire."" They said it was inflammatory."

"My girlfriend thinks that I can't cook, but as soon as I figure out how much Play-Doh is supposed to go in meatloaf, I'll prove her wrong."

"What did the mods say when they found me giving Reddit gold to my alt account? He who smelt it, dealt it."

"Why did the Republican get a sunburn? Because the sunscreen instructed to apply liberally and he was unwilling to compromise."

"What is the best thing to do with lots of Dutch cheeses? Edam..."

"I would like to thank you people for letting me know its Friday every week. Its thoughts like this that keep me on Facebook."

"My contact lenses just fell out and fell down the toilet.. Now I can't see sh!t."