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Joke of the Day

"[going thru airport security] ""Please turn your laptop on"" *I start to stroke it's audio input* ""That's not what I-' Me: No no it likes this"

"As technology gets lighter, thinner, and faster... People get heavier, thicker, and slower."

"Q: How does Bill keep Gennifer Flowers away from the White House? A: He keeps offering to send Ted Kennedy over to give her a ride."

"The Donald walked into a bar.. by accident. Turned out to be a gay bar. Everyone came up trumps."

"What do you get when you push a piano out of the second floor window of an elementary school? A flat minor."

"All I'm saying is that Miley Cyrus was on the Disney Channel and had her clothes on when Bush was president. Thanks, Obama."

"Reddit, help me finish this joke ""My baby so fine, she ______"""

"At my funeral, I want a homie to adjust my junk one last time. I'm not gonna rest peacefully if my balls are pinched between my legs."

"A lion walks into a bar. Several people get up and leave predicting the impending danger at hand."

"""Y'know, she was actually pretty convincing."" - Me walking out of a movie where Meryl Streep plays a Chinese UFC fighter"