53404

Joke of the Day

"""Nice place!"" Mmmehh ""Hungry?"" Mmmehh ""You look nice."" Mmmehh ""DO I EVEN MAKE YOU HAPPY?!?"" Mmmehh ""Mom told me not to date a goat."""

"They say physicists like to work with harmonic oscillation because it's the only problem they can solve. That's not exactly true, but it is a good approximation."

"A man enters a pun contest... He writes down 10 puns and puts them into a hat thinking at least one of them would win. Sadly, no pun in 10 did."

"Whoever has my voodoo doll out there ... please scratch between my shoulder blades."

"Guys. GUYS! Every issue of National Geographic is now on DVD-ROM. FINALLY! God I've missed masturbating to sweet aborigine pancake titties!"

"There's no one worse than the first person to give a standing ovation in a crowd forcing everyone else to get up and clap."

"What you hope someone might say about you when they approach your casket? Hey, I think he moved."

"I bought a new book today called X-ray vision for beginners.' I'm having a look through it now."

"Nice jeans, everyone in the 90s."

"What is matthew mcconaughey favorite bread? All rye all rye"