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Joke of the Day

"Some mathematicians are on the negative side, While others are quite positive."

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"What kind of pictures do turtles take? Shellfies!"
"What does The White House and my underwear have in common? They both contain very large black dicks that can't wait to fuck you."
"Customer asked where I lived so I thought the most accurate response was ""the internet."""
"Women are a lot like tennis rallies Occasionally, a back hand is needed to stay in control"
"I'm good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet I don't really know Y"
"My girlfriend said she needs time and distance does that mean she is calculating velocity?"
"Why do Jihadists only drink instant coffee? Because they're cunts. EDIT: punchline."
"I got a ticket for bandaging a cat's broken tail A cop pulled up and gave me a ticket for retailing pussy in a residential area"
"Life is like a box of chocolates... When you've reached the end you feel sick, ashamed, and you just want to die."