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Joke of the Day
"You could give me 67 years to do something and I wouldn't do it until the night before."
Next Joke
"I always disliked my hair but its growing on me."
"Me: OMG, I haven't seen you in so long! Her: We've never met. Me: That long huh?"
"[ phone call ] Wife: You want the white 7"" or the black 9"". Me: The black 9"". ..and if she wasn't tablet shopping this would be awkward."
"What kind of medicine do Ants use when they have eye problems? Ant-Eye Biotics (Dad joke, I know)"
"What's the difference between a cow and 911? You stop milking a cow after 14 years.."
"This beautiful woman is winking at me. Now she's using the other eye. Never mind, she's just falling asleep."
"My wife found out I was cheating after she found the letters I was hiding.... She got mad and said she's never playing Scrabble with me again."
"What do you call it when a bunch of Olympic swimmers have the shits for days? Dia-Rio."
"TED talk about staying in bed"