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Joke of the Day

"The best part about Facebook is never having to wonder what your acquaintance's baby is doing all day everyday day."

"A chicken and an egg are lying in bed The chicken, smoking a cigarette, turns to the egg and says, ""Well, I guess we answered that question."""

"What do you call a depressed gang member? An emoji... Emo g, get it? From my 13 year old son"

"How do you titillate an ocelot? Oscillate its tit a lot."

"A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender says, ""What is this, a joke?"""

"So, I went out and had a few drinks.. I decided to take a bus home. So this morning I awoke and I don't know what to do with the bus parked in my driveway."

"""How do you find anything in here?!"" -my mugger, giving my purse back"

"My lesbian neighbours asked me what I wanted for my birthday. They gave me a Rolex. I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch."

"The only time a Girl asked me for a coffee was when she mistook me for a Waiter."

"The only time my ex will ever scream ""DEEPER, DEEPER"" is when they are lowering my casket into the ground."