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Joke of the Day

"So, I went out and had a few drinks.. I decided to take a bus home. So this morning I awoke and I don't know what to do with the bus parked in my driveway."

"Cum leaves the body at almost 30 miles per hour, which means it is illegal to ejaculate in a school zone. I don't think the speed was why I was arrested though."

"When droid BB-8, was asked whether it should be referred to as ""he"" or ""she""... BB-8 replied, ""I roll both ways."" http://i.imgur.com/umSzUjp.gifv"

"FACEBOOK: Hey, remember me? I'm a girl you met in college, in that one class. We never really talked. Anyway, here's 97 pictures of my baby."

"[In the gym] hey guys it'd be a lot easier to lift these weights if we worked together"

"I lost a good friend today, he asked me to pick up some non-alcoholic beer."

"It's been reported that Donald Trump has recently found Jesus ... And had him deported."

"I'm blonde. What's your excuse?"

"Only 3 more STD's to go until I get my own MTV reality show!!!!!!"

"What did the chemist say when he found out his two pet dogs died? Barium"