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Joke of the Day

"growing up my sister was a cutter... thankfully, she got help and no longer cut herself; she would just ask me to do it..."

"Why do you need a driver's licence to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?"

"The new Trump Administration is re-doing the voice mail prompts at the White House... Thank you for calling the White House. For English, press 1. <silence>"

"Apparently, when they say 'black tie' they expect you to wear more than just a black tie. Like I'm a mind reader."

"What's the similarity between snooker and sex? If red covers pink, go for the brown."

"Have you heard the rope joke? Skip it."

"Why do I always say yes to everything? I just don't no."

"What did the unused dough say to the baker? Why don't you knead me?"

"What's the difference between Russian football fans and an old drunkard in a bar at closing time? Kicking the old drunkard out won't start world war III."

"What comes out my ass and smells like shit? The jokes on this subreddit"