5284

Joke of the Day

"I bought my epileptic boyfriend a strobe light for his birthday. He's gonna have a fit when he sees it."

"BLONDE LUCK A blonde was at a gumball machine. She kept putting quarters in and getting gumballs out. The man behind her asked if he could get a gumball. She said, ""Shut up! I'm winning."""

"Active voice: I loved your book Passive voice: Your book was loved Passive-aggressive voice: I love how you felt the need to write a book"

"What do you get when you suck all of the Botox out of Madonna? Betty White."

"""Hello, 911"" Help I'm being murdered! ""Can you put the murderer on please"" what ""Gotta hear both sides"""

"Lesbian sex is like swimming. [NSFW] It's not hard, and gets you wet."

"A priest and a rabbi are standing on a corner when a 5 year old boy walks by. The priest says, ""Hey. Let's fuck that boy"". Replied the rabbi, ""out of what?""."

"Some bought Stevie Wonder a cheese grater for his birthday He said it was the most violent book he's ever read."

"This cashier looked at my 12 bottles of weed spray so weirdly, I suspect she's never broken a lawnmower before."

"Twitter should give you 5,000 followers when you start and then you have to try and lose them."