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Joke of the Day

"A PhD in Fencing would be pretty useful... ... if you ever had a backgarden dispute with a neighbor."

"What do you call a trespassing camper? Criminal intent"

"Knock Knock... Who's there? Sean Bean. Sean Bean who? Oh that's right, you started watching after his character died. Works for pretty much anything Sean Bean is in except Sharpe."

"[raises hand in ethics class] So if I see a baby outside at night and nobody's around, is that, like, my problem?"

"[Biblical Times] God: oh shit Angel: what? God: I just realized I've been leaning on the frog button."

"My ratt bit me yesterday. I guess you could say we had a lack of communication."

"Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day... Give him a religion and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish."

"A guy walked into a bar... And said, ""Ouch!"" Sorry. It had to be done."

"The Galaxy is the greatest rapper alive. It rhymes in universes. :)"

"I used to rub my hair together when I was stressed... But now I'm dreading the consequences."