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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between jelly and jam? You can't jelly this dick in your mom's mouth"

"Just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year. Not to cause any trouble, but shouldn't that be an even number?"

"How do you get a person with podophobia to leave? Just say ""shoe""."

"""We have literally a zillion binders full of selfies."" - Top Secret NSA Memo"

"Throwing glass is wrong in some peoples eyes."

"I invented a new joke I invented a new word. Plagiarism. EDIT : This joke was invented by me and copyrighted. Dare to take it and a lawsuit shall find you."

"Great Gatsby (2013), Wolf of Wallstreet (2013), Django Unchained (2012): Leonardo DiCaprio is rich and screams at people"

"I'll do algebra, I'll put up with calculus, I'll even push through trigonometry... but graphing is where I draw the line!"

"What did the man say after his wife was dragged off the beach by a seal? Welp, seal ate her."

"GOD: it's time I punished the humans again JESUS: cool. flood or plague? GOD:[watching The Apprentice] oh I've something way worse in mind.."