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Joke of the Day

"I bet 2 guys named Eric would have an easier time starting a sleepover camp for infants than 2 guys named Sid."

"Restaurant Hostess: ""Sorry about the wait."" Me: ""It's okay, you don't need to apologize for being overweight."""

"How many virgins do I get from dying of embarrassment? Does anyone know?"

"Chuck Norris donates blood, just not his own"

"CW:my husband doesn't understand me at all. What about yours? Me:I wouldn't know... I don't talk to him about you..."

"Baptisms were invented by a guy who had to explain why he was caught trying to drown a baby."

"Why can't anarchists draw straight lines? Because they don't have any rulers."

"Why won't Santa be visiting Nigel Farage this year? He only comes if you sleep, not if Ukip."

"Me: Will my girlfriend be ok using Chanel 5 if she's never used Chanel 1-4 Salesgirl: *into walkie talkie* security he's back here again"

"If you ever saw me race to the liquor store 5 mins before it closes, you'd hire me for a getaway driver in a bank heist any day."