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Joke of the Day

"My doctor told me that I have syphillis, gonnorhea and chlamydia. On the positive side... HIV."

"My wife's cooking is so bad.... We pray to God after the meal"

"I went to the doctor's office for an Alzheimer's test... I can't remember the results."

"If you are wondering how many ketchup packets you can put in a Holiday Inn hot tub before people stop going in, the answer is 9."

"I live with my wife in a two story house... ""I'm too tired"" and ""I have a headache"" are the only two stories I hear..."

"(1st day in heaven) Angel: STOP ASKING EVERYBODY WHAT THEY DIED OF"

"My wife is from England so I gave her a good Rogering for Valentine's Day. He just left and she seemed to enjoy it, so... score?"

"Cop at the gym just puked when he saw me do squat-thrusts. Said he hadn't seen anything that hateful or violent since the LA riots."

"I would give my dad what he really wants on Father's Day, but I can't afford to move out yet."

"How many square feet are in the average NYC apartment? Zero. Feet are feet shaped."