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Joke of the Day

"Being a man means doing what I want, when I want, and not having to answer to anyone. This is my...shit she's coming. To be continued."

"I had a Bernie supporters joke..... But most of them don't work."

"A hand grenade to a daycare? RT @McDonalds: #ShamrockShake is to spring as _____ is to _______."

"What do you call a man with a very long, pointy penis? Lance. I'll see myself out."

"if you love dictionaries so much why dont you Merriam"

"*opens car door to drop kid off at school & sees kool aid instead* If you're here then.. [cut to kid bursting through a wall like 'oh yeah']"

"Charles Dickens walks into a bar... and orders a Martini. The bartender asks,""Olive or twist?"""

"Sorry I made fun of your erectile dysfunction,,, I hope there's no hard feelings"

"On a scale of 1 to Charlie Sheen, I'm at Mel Gibson drunk right now."

"What is the hardest thing about staring at a pile of dead babies? (Possible NSFW) My erection."