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Joke of the Day

"A hand grenade to a daycare? RT @McDonalds: #ShamrockShake is to spring as _____ is to _______."

"What does a blueberry do at a party? The Anti-oxy-dance"

"[Spain, 1578] ""I'm not a witch!"" But all the cats? ""My pets!"" The broom? ""For cleaning!"" The cauldron of boiling children? ""Ok I'm a witch."""

"So have you heard about the mass immigration problem ALDI has been having? They even got a new slogan: Do work or ALDI port ya"

"Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet? Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe."

"What do you call a person with no arms and no legs? Fucked."

"Jesus and his disciples walk into a restaurant. Jesus: A table for 26, please. Headwaiter: But there's only . . . um, 13 of you. Jesus: Yeah, we're all going to sit on the same side."

"So Five Night's at Freddy's 3 was announced Is it going to have a dead horse animatronic that you have to beat?"

"I'm starting a Kickstarter to bring a lion from Africa and let it loose in a dentist's office."

"Did you fall from heaven? Because so did Satan. -Stolen from youtube"