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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend hates it when I sneak up on her... According to her lawyer, she also hates it when I call her my girlfriend."

"Harness the power of my dog's wagging tail and we could step into a much greener future."

"You know the best thing about having a penis? You get to share it with people who don't."

"him: what are you looking for on this dating site? me: someone who will hold the cats down so I can take pics of them wearing sunglasses."

"By tomorrow night America will be in a turkey induced coma. On Friday...Canada attacks."

"I raped myself today. It sucks being a schizophrenic hermaphrodite."

"Though my heart is a fist, I really do my girlfriend"

"Survey: Are you a Democrat or a Republican? Me: Labels are for soup cans Survey: Can you tell us which way you're leaning? Me: Clam chowder"

"On this pesticide spray it says, ""Keep away from children."" Fuck, they knew I was coming."

"Local Singles 2.9 Miles From Your Area *refresh page* Local Singles 3.7 Miles From Y.. ""no dont leave"" *refresh page* Local Singles 7.8 Mile"