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Joke of the Day

"Watching your wife in childbirth... Is like watching your favourite pub burn down."

"What article of clothing is round and rubbery? Attire."

"If I had a dollar for every woman that found me unattractive... They'd find me attractive."

"[job interview] How did you lose your last job? ""I quit because I wanted a career with a bright future."" Sir, this is McDonald's."

"WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing."

"Why did the vampire go to the doctors? Because he was coffin..."

"Step 1: Get underwear with the Millennium Falcon on the butt. Step 2: Have the fastest hunk of junk in the trunk in the galaxy."

"I see children like I see bongo drums They're slightly irritating but it's fashionable for the rich to bring them back from Africa Edit:people also dislike it when you beat them In public"

"Treat your woman like you treat your smartphone: touch her often, stare at her, and make her the most important thing in your life."

"My brother was born backwards... His nose runs and his feet smell."