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Joke of the Day

"WIFE: *motions to me that she's choking* ME: *immediately dials 911* 911: what the emergency ME: *handing her the phone* here u talk to them"

"So I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley She said ""Tenpin?"" I said, ""No, it's a permanent job."" - Tim Vine, King of the one liners."

"Why do crows do vocal exercises every morning? For the Good of the Caws."

"mother told me this What do you call 5 mexicans, and asian, and 5 black people in your front yard?? Water sprinkler.... spic-spic-spic-spic-spic---CHINK---nigga-nigga-nigga-nigga-nigga"

"What would Jimi Hendrix be doing today if he was still alive? Trying to get out of his grave."

"I tried to catch fog yesterday Mist"

"What's the difference between Hitler and Trump? Hitler knew when to kill himself."

"I hate dividing fractions. Flipping reciprocals."

"Martial arts movie, starring me Master: You wish to learn to fight? Me: Yes Master: The training is very difficult Me: Oh then no The End"

"DUDE: first of all ME: oh shit this dude's about to make more than one point"