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Joke of the Day
"Why is the Martian on DVD So you can Bring him Home"
Next Joke
"I've just been diagnosed with a chronic fear of giants..... Feefiphobia"
"An Irishman walks out of a bar... hey, it could happen!"
"What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus? Santa stops after three ho's."
"How do you make a duck sing soul music? Put it in the microwave until it's Bill Withers."
"It looks like the last informal G20 took place in Panama."
"[office meeting] BOSS: Printer ink is costing us a ton. Any ideas on how to cut costs? SQUID: *looks up from phone* Why y'all lookin' at me?"
"Well, well, well, if it isn't my inability to cope with life."
"Mind: Does a flying dream sound good tonight? Me: Yea! Mind: Horrific shadow demon it is. Me: But I thought-? Mind: Don't worry, it can fly."
"Which sexual position produces the ugliest children? Ask your mother!"