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Joke of the Day

"Just overheard a guy say he was buying a MacBook so he doesn't have to worry about the Ebola virus. What."

"A Jewish daughter asks her Jewish dad for forty dollars to go to the movies... the dad says: ""Thirty dollars?! what do you need twenty five dollars for?!"""

"Calling a girl ""honey"" is ok. Calling a girl ""bee vomit"" is not ok. I'm a relationship expert."

"How do you gently wake up a sleeping baby? Don't preheat the oven when you bake it."

"My new american football video game has so many glitches. It's really maddening"

"Why was the powerlifter fired from his job at the restaurant? He was awesome at cleaning the bar, but he wouldn't stop jerking it."

"What did the 2 say to the 3? Do you even, bro?"

"I used to steal other people's jokes. I still do, but I used to, too"

"Never Forget Girl: Can you finger me? Boy: Sure. Girl: Oh yeah that feels good. --------- 1 Day Later ----------- Girl: I'm pregnant. Boy: Dammit I forgot to wash my hands."

"My wife was almost killed by a clock today, it fell onto the chair just as she stood up. Damn clock was always too slow."